Tools for Coping with Grief
SHU 24/7 Mental Health Crisis Hotline: 973-275-Help (4357)
Call or text 988 to contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat online at 988lifeline.org.
Or text Talk to 741-741 for the Crisis Text Line.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Grief is a Whole-Body Experience
When we lose someone, grief impacts all areas of our life. It affects the body, mind
and emotions.
The Body
- Sleep problems and fatigue
- Body aches and pains
- Muscle tension
- Digestive issues
- Changes in appetite
- Suppresses the immune system
Cognitive Function
- Difficulty processing information
- Trouble thinking clearly
- Difficulty concentrating
- Confusion
- Altered perception of time
- Low Motivation
- Forgetfulness
- Intrusive Thoughts
- Difficulty making decisions
Common Emotions
Sadness
Feeling numb
Anger
Guilt
Anxiety
Irritability
Frustration
Resentment
You are not alone! CAPS is Here for You.
You can contact CAPS during regular office hours, Monday-Friday 8:45 a.m.- 4:45 p.m.
by calling 973-761-9500 or drop-in to CAPS in Mooney Hall Room 27 to speak with a
counselor. Do not use e-mail in an emergency situation. If you have an urgent need
to speak with a counselor you may also contact the SHU 24/7 Mental Health Crisis Hotline
at 973-275-Help (4357). This service is available 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. If you
are in crisis, contact The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 988 or chat with
them online The Crisis Text Line is also available. Text SCHOOL to 741-741.
Tips for Coping with Grief
Grief is a process and it takes time to heal, but there are things you can do to help you cope along the way.
- Surround yourself with good company. Find friends or loved ones who will give you the space you need at times, but also be there when you need extra support. You can also find a support group for survivors of suicide loss online and in-person.
- Be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for how you are doing. Avoid telling yourself what you”should” be doing or feeling. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
- Get rest. Since grief is a whole body experience, you need extra rest to stay healthy both physically and mentally. Try to stick to a regular sleep schedule to avoid sleeping too much or too little.
- Expect to feel waves of emotions. This is normal and emotions come and go. Just remember, how you feel at this moment is not how you will feel forever. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling 988 or chat with them online The Crisis Text Line by texting SCHOOL to 741-741 or call the SHU 24/7 Mental Health Crisis Hotline at 973-275-Help (4357).
- Go for a walk outside each day. Exercise and being in nature both help boost your mood.
- Keep some structure in your day. Be sure to shower and get dressed each day, even if you’re not going anywhere. Having some kind of daily routine is helpful for your mental health.
- Set small goals for yourself. Make a list for the thing(s) you want to accomplish for the day. This helps you break things down into manageable tasks and can help you remember if you’re experiencing forgetfulness.
- Don’t make major decisions. When you are grieving, don’t make any life-changing decisions. Wait until you are thinking more clearly.
- Find ways to honor your loved one. Read this article for some ideas: 20 Creative Ways to Honor a Loved One After They Died. You can also add a square to this Digital Memory Quilt.
How to Help Someone Who is Grieving
You want to help your loved one, but don’t know what to do. Below are some tips. Here are some ideas for what to say if you’re at a loss for words.
- Be there and listen. Have dinner with them, go for a walk together or simply watch TV.
- Don’t wait for your friend or family member to ask you for help. Instead of asking them what you can do, do something practical like, go grocery shopping, make them dinner, take their dog for a walk, etc.
- Don’t be afraid to say the name or speak about the person who died.
- Don’t say you know how they feel unless you have also lost a loved one to suicide. Instead, let them know how much you care for them and are there for support.
- Be patient. Your loved one may still be in shock initially. When reality begins to sink in, be there for them and continue checking in with them. Often people feel the worst in the weeks following the death.
- Help them take care of themselves. It’s hard to practice self-care when you’re grieving, but it’s absolutely necessary. Remind them to try to get adequate sleep, eat nutritious meals and drink plenty of water. You can help by bringing them a meal so they don’t have to think about it. Try to avoid “should” statements – be encouraging instead.
Adapted from The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Helpful Resources
- Healing Conversations from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- Article: How to Deal with Grief and Loss
- Article:Understanding Grief and Loss
